Eternal Reflection

It seems like that my thoughts scurry around the most when its bed time. They say an idle mind is the devils playground. But tonight I'm gonna look at it as God's blueprint. Ideas to try and set fourth into motion. Emotions that no longer need to go fourth. A map back to myself because the last one I had honestly had me living in the land of the lost. Sometimes its hard to do something when you have been on habitual hiatus of doing not a damn thing. I give myself and others that same line though, "I'm trying". When I know damn well... I'm not. Its kinda like the lie a person tells over and over so they can make themselves believe it. Kinda like the use of "I love you". I don't want to look at the man in the mirror and then say what I see, because the eyes lie just as much as the mouth does. But the heart tells it like it is. I want to be in a room full of people, and still be able to see myself. Amongst the greats, the beautiful, the well-rounded... The happy. I know now that to be able to see those things it starts with self. I need to ask my heart, "heart? What makes you beautiful? What makes you well-rounded? What makes you happy?" And I want my heart to answer me, "You".

Sitting Next to Nothing

"The times I found myself the loneliest is when I was sitting right next to someone." - Brooklyn Carter

He asks, "why do you take me on this emotional rollercoaster?" and the only thing I can think of is "shit, you forced me on so why should I ride by myself?" Its the little things that matter that get over looked the most that always receive the largest amount of attention. If that made any sense. If you understand it, than more than likely its your little things that get over looked.

The headaches, the spinning room, the delusion, the nausea... Of love. But its not supposed to make me sick, so why am I sick of it? You loose yourself in the one you love only to find that that person was never really there. You only take up a small part of their world, their heart, their mind. But yet you take up all of their bullshit, their lies, their inconsiderateness. Damn, love is starting to sound like the fat kid being bullied.

I need to stop this ride to nowhere. Or at least re-evaluate my passenger, make sure this person is worth sitting next to and riding with, if they are gonna actually be there. Otherwise they just taking up space on my ride.

And if thats the case, I might as well ride by my damn self.

Whats the Return Policy on Love??

Dear Love,

I need my damn money back!! In fact, I need my money, time effort, all that shit. In the original form of payment of pure emotions.

As a woman I'm inclined to express myself to the person or persons of whom the expression is originated from. Basically, if Sally Sue pissed me off, me and Sally Sue need to have some words.

One would think it would be the same with the person I "Love". Yea, not so much. You see he fell asleep. Right clean smooth in the middle of dialogue. When a person feels they have acquired something, and you feel it has become yours because you have invested all the necessary things to see it flourish, (in this case it would be time, patience, sympathy, empathy, compassion and so fourth) you feel you should receive a return on such investment. Well in this particular case I just wanna return it. Giving up and giving in are NOT the same. And its better to do one than other.

So make sure when planning to invest in a person, you get an equal return on all you have invested. Or you will be listening to a motherf*cka count sheep while knee deep in your emotions.

None Before Me, None To Come

I guess when GOD tells you to get on the ball, you GET ON THE BALL! I finally made my first pair of earrings that I am sooooo very proud of. After 2 years of talking bout it, I'm finally being about it. With the courage of myself, and my lovely sister, my vision has come to pass. She got me out of bed on my off day and we had my first photo shoot that came out THE BOMB.

So this space will be a place to display my work, share my emotions, and capture my greatness and growth. I have arrived.

Open For Business!